Salvo

A Terrible Q & A

1. If a gherkin is a pickle and a cornichon is a gherkin; who decides what’s a pickle? And what happened to Mr. Cucumber?

2. The most annoying argument is whether the chicken or the egg came first. A real question we should ask ourselves, however, is did the sunny-side up or the scrambled egg come first? If so, what about the over easy and over well? Mr. Benedict?

3. I’ve always wondered what would happen if you bred a croque-monsieur with a croque-madame. Would you get a croque-scrambled-transgender? Or croque-broken-yolk?

4. Though it may be silly to ponder upon: If you were a blue cheese, yet you were actually a happy cheese, would you prefer bleu to blue? Or just happy cheese?

5. A classic peanut butter and jelly calls for white bread, creamy peanut butter and grape jelly. Argue it if you’d like, but that seems to be the common combination. So if we are to throw a hypothetical out there, if we substitute strawberry jelly – or heavens forbid, jam – are we committing PB&J sacrilege?

6. According to tradition, if one drops their bread in a pot of fondue, you are subject to forfeit. But how does a group of fondue folk deal with someone who intentionally drops their bread, so as to better coat it in cheese? Does that make them a glutton? Or just a masochist? Or just plain stupid?

7. Whenever chocolate gets brought up between groups of people, the common outburst – at least in the last decade – has been to lambaste milk chocolate in favor of dark chocolate. Yet the forgotten albino brother of the two always becomes the wild card. To champion white chocolate is not only a dis to the conventional creation of chocolate, as it uses solely cocoa butter, but it also puts into question the racial undertones of chocolate-ism. Really, how does Mexican chocolate come into play?

8. If a Baker’s Dozen was orignally a result of being cautious, and is now used as a way to maximize baking yields, would baking a normal dozen be considered cutting back on the carbs? Thus, in a way, creating a diet within a realm of sugar, butter and starches? Cue the jingle: “Attackin’ da Atkin?”

9. A good steak calls for a crisp outer crust and cool red center. A bad steak calls for a burnt crisp crust and warm brown center. Thus, one reminds you of an actual animal and the other reminds you of a piece of charcoal. That’s all.

10. A common form of sweetening tea is to add honey. For coffee drinkers, it is a rarity, yet it is also used to sweeten their drinks. Which brings us to hot cocoa, cider and/or mulled wine. Is it a possibility? Or does that just mean you have no taste buds? (Think: Burnt taste buds).