Thursday, January 22, 2009

Rue a la Peu

A: You see all those black dots on the map? Those are all the women I’ve been with in Paris. I try to keep to the suburbs or the outer limits – that’s where they’re much easier.
B: Ah I see, how thoughtful of you.
A: Well, there were a few I did manage to land within city limits. You see that one along the Seine? That was a special night. I found her throwing up right over the side of a stone wall. I asked her if she was okay and then…. Well, one thing led to another.
B: Oh?
A: Yes. I didn’t want it to happen but it just did. She asked for another drink and I told her that would be foolish. Instead, I just sort of… gave her something else?
B: You did what?
A: Don’t worry about it – It’s one of the few inner-city stories I like to keep to myself.
B: So why did you tell it to me?
A: Lets just say I’m always looking to put new black dots on the map.
B: You’re weird.
A: I try to be.

Stories From Afoot

For the first 12 hours it was fine. He kept pounding me harder and harder, right into the ground but I was okay with it. He didn’t stop nor did he rest. Sometimes he would move around just to keep me on my toes. Every now and then he would brush me, softly, as though he really cared. I couldn’t tell if it was just because he wanted to dust something off to pretty me or if it was a sign of affection. When he put me in the mud I couldn’t tell if I liked it or not. Was he being dirty? Did he like to get dirty? I couldn’t really tell. But nonetheless, I went through with it. I let him do what he wanted to do but only for a little. Soon enough, we were back in the usual position – almost a monotonous rhythm of up and down, up and down. Sometimes it was soft, sometimes it was hard. Every now and then, he’d take a break. We’d rest for a bit and catch our breath. I enjoyed those moments. They were my little bit of serenity. But before I knew it, he was back at it.

Eventually, he began to despise me. I was either too rough or too stiff. Was it my fault or his though? He was the one who just wouldn’t stop moving. He kept wanting to progress – to push harder and get places. Couldn’t he just settle with where he was? Hadn’t he had enough? I began to feel his sweat soak into me. I could hear him moan and beckon the pain to stop. Who was hurting now? Was it me or was it him? I told him that he could quit whenever. I was just there along for the ride. He thought he could handle me for a day - so much for that. Looks like he was becoming the pussy, no?

That’s when he realized he had enough. He let go of me and put me aside. He released what he had held on to for so long – almost all day. He touched me first in the morning and didn’t stop until the night. What a trooper. But now here I am, all alone and without his warmth. I can hear him belittling me nearby – he despises the pain I bring him. I could care less though, he did it to himself. He was the one who wore me out all day long. He was the one who had to buy me in New York, bring me wherever he went and then decide to use me only in Paris. What a shithead – as if I’m just this portable pair of prettiness. You deserve it mister. Complain a little more or just go find another bunch to fool around with all day. Wear them out and let them feel a good pounding for the whole day. I could care less. While you’re scuffing them up and getting them dirty, I’ll be sitting here all alone. Waiting, yes. But not wanting. Because unlike those others, at least I won’t be worn to pieces.

Food For Thought

A Banana in a Bowl, Accompanied by Muesli
Baguettes on a Sidewalk, Sans Buerre
Life’s Lonely With Just Fromage: A Story From Jambon
Perrier in the Afternoon, Pellegrino in the Evening
Porc avec Épices; When Haricots Go Missing
Cheap Red or Dead in Bed?: Mystery Theatre
Pommes Glacé et Lait

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Take: One

My apologies as usual. Things are a bit distracting in this city - which is quite good for me, but not so great for you. Please indulge.

Since coming to France, accomplishments & realizations include:
- Constant intoxication, sans last night
- 4 euro & 3 EUR pints of Kronenbourg are a steal, 6-8 EUR is common
- International students galore on campus; Which include the following countries:
France, Kazakhstan, India, Bangladesh, Switzerland, Sweden, Germany, Spain, UK, Brazil and more
- Internet is hard to come by
- Hallway toilets are not ideal for living
- Neither are 6-floor walk-ups
- Wine is as cheap as 1,60 EUR and up to 100+ EUR (General range: 10-40 EUR)
- The lait here is quite rich
- Cobblestone streets are quite pretty, yet devastating to shoe soles

In regards to the French people & culture:
- Speak frank, tell all
- Dislike English, but can speak if necessary
- Blank faces on naïve Americans = Priceless/annoying
- Generally all dress well, at least in urban areas (Similar to NYC)
- Generally all rather fit, few lardos
- Claim to dislike sports, yet remain in sub-34” waists for men, sub sz. 7 for ladies

Things under 10 EUR worthy of consumption:
- Sandwiches, various pastries, loaves of bread
- Cheap chinois/asian food
- Small pre-packaged sushi, 6 ct. (But beyond 6ct. is hands off)
- Sub-5kg of vegetables, to an extent
- Cheap pints (Sub-5 EUR), even cheaper “European 40oz.” (75cl) bottles of beer for 1-2,50 EUR
- Numerous bottles of cheap wine, quality being ignored due to cheap alcohol factor

Markets include the following:
- Seafood = Beautiful fresh fish, shellfish and good ol langoustines
- Fruits = Typical + some exotic touches
- Vegetables = All generally fresh, lots of green, beautiful looking tomatoes
- Meats = Everything from full rabbit carcass to livers, legs and more
- Middle-Eastern Food = Falafel and galore, who would’ve guessed?
- Moroccan/Algerian? = Tangier cooking and flat breads, pretty impressive

Food Boutiques Include:
- Patisseries = The most inviting bundle of flour & fat, convection-oven produced foods ever
- Boulangerie = Ditto on the tantalizing factor + cheap prices for good to amazing breads, depending on location
- Chocolatier = I’ve heard there are 40 EUR boxes of chocolate out there, so they must be doing something right
- General notes: I saw a cake for 65 EUR today. It looked like a masterpiece. Man, the U.S. sucks.

Grocery Shopping in France

When translated into English, the conversation between customer and cashier:
- *Silence*
- *Customer bags own groceries in a hurried manner*
- The next customer’s items begin to mix with customer #1’s items
- Both struggle to sort out items from one another’s
- “Pardon mademoiselle.”
- “C’est bon.”
- “Merci. Bon soir.”
- “Bon soir.”

Thoughts on Princess Di’s Memorial on Avenue du New York:
- Lots of French writing, handful of Anglais, tidbit of Japonais
- A golden flame monument not dedicated to her death
- “I <3 Di" = Most Prominent Eulogy

Politics en France

The French really like Obama.

4 January 09
Beer: Terriblé, Unibroue
Location: Whole Foods 6th St, Austin, TX
Price: Gratis via A. Nguyen Beer Payers
Grade: 6.8

Not too Terrible? But not all that great?

4 January 09
Beer: Tecate
Location: Whole Foods 6th St, Austin, TX
Price: Gratis via D. Edwards Ltd.
Grade: 3.0

Mex/light/cheap/for Cancun bros.

4 January 09
Beer: Miller Lite
Location: Unknown
Price: Gratis via M. Doss Apt. Drinking Appreciation Foundation
Grade: 2.0

When consumed, one will desire to vomit. However, the necessity of obtaining a state of intoxicity overules the natural displacement of such consumed liquids from the stomach. Therefore, the concept of ‘mind over matter’ is truly experience when drinking such beer.

5 January 09
Beer: Keystone Ultra
Location: Unknown
Price: Gratis via M. Doss Apt Drinking Appreciation Foundation
Grade: 0.3

Are you fucking kidding me?

5 January 09
Beer: Natural Ice
Location: Unknown
Price: Gratis via M. Doss Apt Drinking Appreciation Foundation
Grade: 0.7

Lower than Miller High Life, Schlitz, Keystone, Schaefer, Bud Light, Miller Lite, Coors Light and everything else previously considered a shitty, sub-human beer. This is beer pong urine. The drink of the low-life – not even acceptable for drinkability beyond a post-8 beer state of intoxication. Had I been drinking this earlier in the night, my mouth would have transformed into a cesspool of vomit and black plague. Luckily, I had coated my mouth with a good amount of acceptable beer before pouring this into my body. Shameful, yes. Regrettable? Never.

7 Jan 09
Beer: Spaten Oktoberfest Ur-Marzen
Location: H-E-B Louetta, Cypress, TX
Price: $10/6pk
Grade: 6.6

Sort of like Weinstephaner’s Festbier but a notch or two down. Great hoppy, yeast taste notable with German beer, especially marzens, but the palette is weak and finishes dull and sloppy. Hints of grassy notes and almost a wet hay-like taste with tiny, tiny bits of light berries. Some pine also thrown in for a really sod-ish taste in general. Not bad though, I suppose.

13 Jan 09
Beer: Sagres Mini
Location: Bosquet - AMEX, 7é, Paris, FR
Price: 4€/125cl
Grade: 4.0

I swear it tastes like champignons. Skunky water, stale hops and wet yeast. So sad.

19 Jan 09
Beer: San Miguel Lager
Location: Bosquet – AMEX, 7é, Paris, FR
Price: 4€/12oz. bottle
Grade: 5.7

Drinkable Filipino beer. Light, crisp hops but flavor is shallow. Little yeast flavor and even less pungent kick. Good to slurp down with meals, but alone this would be a foolish mistake.

21 Jan 09
Beer: Bière d’Abbaye, Brasée en Belgique, 6.2% ABV
Location: Franprix rue Paul Doumer, 16é, Paris, FR
Price: 3,36€/6pk 25cl
Grade: 7.2

Spicy orange nose with punchy hops and crisp apple bits. Good amount of coriander and cloves within its mid-hue amber color. Head is rather light with airy froth that doesn’t add much, but the drink is quite enjoyable in its quirky little way. The carbonation is what sets it apart, kicking around until it goes down the throat, there are even touches of strawberry which is quite odd. Tastes like a young beer, not one that has sat around for awhile but it still has enough flavor throughout. Cute malts with a tint of praline-like sweetness. There’s a slight metallic taste on the tip, but nothing that detracts from the overall composition of the beer. Quite lively and sort of reminds me of a crisp, autumn day. Not bad. If only it were in a larger bottle – this poured about the amount an average highball glass keeps. Eh, guess that just means I’ll have 2 or 3 more?

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Le Missing

To many I might have disappeared, but for others I have just arrived. I contemplated starting yet another blog dedicated to my newfound home but why not mesh La Poularde with anything and everything else I've thrown on here. It's funny how this originally began as a somewhat serious endeavor and has now become a chronicle of my drinking habits. However, in my defense I must admit that such reviews are all with the best intentions - Both to further your own drinking habits and to gain a bit of knowledge here and there. Whether you like to think of it as useful knowledge or not, I leave that to you to decide.

Thus, expect some worthwhile posts within the upcoming days. Or rather, a more accurate translation would be: "When I'm not busy exploring Paris and its greatness, I'll do my best to remember you all." And yes, I say this with lots of love and zero pretense.

Friday, January 2, 2009

Bonjour, 2009

With a new year comes a new post.

All while you're thinking, "It's about time, dipshit."
Much love and great blessings to all.

18 December 08
Beer: Dogfish Indian Brown Ale
Location: Adinah Farms, Ave C, NYC
Price: $14.50/6pk
Grade: 7.3

Coffee, toffee, mocha, loco, dark, delicious. But horribly overpriced, at least here. Still quite good though.

23 December 08
Beer: Hacker Pschorr Munich Gold
Location: Binny’s, Buffalo Grove, IL
Price: $10/6pk
Grade: 6.6

Has that malty-yeasty taste that is so notable with the German beers. A light, low-range lager that would be nice with some sausage, lighter weight foods and maybe even some shellfish. Grainy, some lemon and a kiss of pine. Good stuff indeed.

24 December 08
Beer: Tanner’s Jack, Morland Brewery
Location: Binny’s, Buffalo Grove, IL
Price: $10/6pk
Grade: 6.8

Made by the same folks that brew Old Speckled Hen. Tastes of teak, hops, short bitters and punchy toffee. Gives some fizz mixed with skunkiness and some watery aftertaste. But for what it lacks in an overall gulp, it makes up with the refreshing taste. I suppose this seems like a contradiction, but it’s something you can sit down with and down a trio of pints like it’s no big deal. A bit of tin-like metallic twang to it also, but somehow it’s just a lovable little guy worth trying.

26 December 08
Beer: Spaten Optimator
Location: Hackney’s, Lake Zurich, IL
Price: $5.50/pint
Grade: 6.7

Dark, thick, medium body of lingering syrup notes with an oaky taste throughout. Good, but not as hearty as it could be. Has a bit more “optimizing” to do.

27 December 08
Beer: Michelob Irish Red
Location: King Distributors
Price: Gratis via King Distributors Ltd.
Grade: 6.1

Quite drinkable, but not a beer I’d go out of my way to try again or purchase. Hence, the reason this fellow was received-fo-free. Hops come through and the smooth carbonation follows, but this is a beer for Applebee’s or TGI Friday’s – something like that.

28 December 08
Beer: Shiner Cheer
Location: H-E-B Louetta, Cypress, TX
Price: Gratis via Davis Brew Provisions
Grade: 7.1

Peaches, pecans, darkness, Texas Shiner love and a pinch of quirkiness. Could have a more inviting body and bite to it, but the perplexing mix of local ingredients gives this guy a thumbs up.

28 December 08
Beer: Michelob Pale Ale
Location: King Distributors
Price: Gratis via King Distributors Ltd.
Grade: 6.0

Pale... and an ale. Aliment for my diet.

29 December 08
Beer: Sterkens Dubbel Ale, Brouwerij Sterkens N.V.
Location: Central Market, Houston, TX
Price: $13/4pk
Grade: 7.4

Candied malts, damp yeast and the all-too common dark fruit. Kind of like a “clunky dubbel” that bluntly throws flavors around. It’s good, for sure, but not as refined as other Belgians out there. A rustic bite with jumbles of grassy hay and moist moss with cherries, plums and raisins. Sweet, sour and sometimes sugary. There’s a klusterfuck of flavors going on around here, but somehow it pushes something out in the end. You like it, but you’re not sure why you like it. Then there’s a second guess and you assume that you no longer like it. But once you take another gulp, you recall that this is a Belgian beer and that’s why you like it. So why you like it shouldn’t necessarily be why I like it, but rather vice versa. Good dark beer, yes. Lets leave it at that.

30 December 08
Beer: Michelob Marzen
Location: King Distributors
Price: Gratis via King Distributors Ltd.
Grade: 6.3

German-y but still Michelob. Idiots.

31 December 08
Beer: Michelob Porter
Location: King Distributors
Price: Gratis via King Distributors Ltd.
Grade: 6.1

Dark, but not even dark enough to be a Porter. Like drinking an Ovaltine mixed with champagne. Some fucked up shit, but still drinkable.

31 December 08
Beer: Kirin Ichiban
Location: H-E-B Louetta, Cypress, TX
Price: $11/6pk
Grade: 6.4

A fine Japanese beer. Light, a lil ricey and a good gulp.

31 December 08
Beer: Pearl
Location: Whole Foods 6th St, Austin, TX
Price: $8/12pk
Grade: 6.5

Great value, crisp taste. Bang for your buck and like the PBR of the south. Duly approved for mass consumption and large quantity intake – or when feeding hoards of drunken individuals in need of further inebriating liquids.

31 December
Beer: Dos Equis
Location: Whole Foods 6th St, Austin, TX
Price: Gratis via D. Edwards Ltd.
Grade: 5.1

Consumed while not in the best state of mind. But based off of past consumption memory, 5.1 is well merited. Mexican, pissy lager and guzzled often by bros n’ hos down on the Yucatan.