Monday, October 18, 2010

The Other Side of Town

Someone once asked me, “Can you tell me about yourself?”

Simple question, normal procedure. It was the same question the kind soul had obligatorily asked every applicant that had ever come in, just so that he or she could freely express themselves to their own liking and imaginative freedom.

So, I responded coolly by saying, “Why yes, I’d love to. To start, I eat, I drink, I breathe, I sleep, I shit.”

He looked at me blanky, flabbergasted.

I then added, “Why, come to think of it – the exact same things you seem to do.”

He said nothing.

“But if you mean to ask me - or rather, prefer to imply – that I describe myself in a manner that contrasts myself, against the other candidates for this job, in a way that highlights my “interesting” characteristics, that elevate me above others as a “special” candidate, who may potentially propel your company in a positive and profit-inducing way, then… why yes! I’d love to delve into the laundry list of wise and witty notes about myself. Let me begin --”

But before I could begin, the man stopped me with his open hand, quite similar in shape to that of a stop sign.

Coughing – or clearing his throat – he muttered out, “That’ll be enough… err, thank you for coming in for the interview today. We’ll be in touch.”

Unfortuantely, we never got back in touch.

Maybe he didn’t like the “shit part.”

That might’ve been it.

Yeah, probs.

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